I Hate My Face

To start off, I don't hate my face.  Not anymore anyway.  For as long as I can remember, I've hated pictures of me.  Skinny or not, I didn't like my smile or anything about a picture of me.  I think it's because we all see ourselves a certain way & when a picture doesn't reflect how we see ourselves it can be disappointing.  How often have you looked in a mirror & then later saw a picture and thought "That's not me!"?

After my oldest son was baptized in September 2005, I saw pictures of myself that couldn't POSSIBLY be of me.  This picture specifically.  Who the hell was that?!?

I was 5'3" and 240 lbs.  Technically morbidly obese.  I was a size 22/24 and getting bigger.  I couldn't believe I'd let myself get like this.  This picture started the very LOOOONG, frustrating journey of trying to lose weight.  

And so continued the hatred of my face.  There are not a lot of pictures of me and Jack.  Mainly because I was always behind the camera.  I was so unhappy with myself, I just couldn't bear to be in pictures unless I had to.  Facetime & Skype were like torture because then I HAD to look at myself in that small square on the screen.  I would actually say to myself "I hate my face".  It's an awful way to think of yourself.  I also avoided full length mirrors like the plague.  Not only was I unhappy with my face but I hated my body.

When my mother died in July 2013, we realized that there were no pictures of her & all three of her grandchildren.  Actually, there were barely ANY pictures of her with any of them!  I realized that I was doing the same thing she was.  She always put down pictures of herself because she didn't like them.  I realized I would pull the same face she did when I saw a pic of myself.  I decided then that I wasn't going to do that anymore.  My kids don't care how I look.  My kids don't care if I'm making a weird face.  They care that we are in a picture together.  I have 2 boys and I hope that one day they'll appreciate there are so many pics of us together.

The breakthrough happened last week.  It was Jack's birthday & my in laws wanted to Facetime with him to wish him happy birthday.  I KNEW I'd have to be on there with him.  I WAS NOT looking forward to it.  I try always to look at the camera so I don't have to look at myself.  This time was different.  As I chatted with them I glanced at myself.  There I was.  The me I always had in my head.  I loved how I looked in that little square.  My hair, my face, my smile, all of it!

Finding my fitness has been the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.  Not only do I feel better because I'm moving my body but hot damn, do I look good!  My confidence has never been so high!

Why did I write this particular blog post?  Why did I decide to let you into a part of myself that I never let out into the public?  I know I'm not the only one.  I'm not the only one who has avoided mirrors & cameras.  Who compares herself to everyone else and only looks at the shortcomings, or used to anyway.  I'm beginning to love mirrors and cameras.  I love taking selfies.  I love myself and the person I'm becoming.  

Find me on Facebook!  

Transformation Tuesday

1 year ago, I bit the bullet and bought a Beachbody challenge pack.  I'd hemmed and hawed about it for months.  My friend was a coach and kept talking about Shakeology but I was afraid.  Afraid of change, afraid of cost, afraid of failing, afraid of everything.  It had been a hard year but I was also ready to make a change.  A change in my body and mind.  I had joined one of her free Paleo groups on Facebook but I knew, KNEW I needed something else.

So what did I do?  I signed up to be a Beachbody coach to get a discount on the Shakeology.  It was free with the purchase of a challenge pack so why not?  Who doesn't love a discount?  Then I started working out.  I still hadn't figured out the food thing though.  How do you change 30 years of bad habits?  I bought the 21 Day Fix.  Color coded portion control containers, a meal plan and workouts.  Again, this took some times.  In fact, it took me almost a YEAR to get the food thing right.  I love food!  I can destroy some chips & dip in no time flat.  And don't even get me started on my love of pizza.

I've done a variety of programs but it was the food that needed help.  After a year, I finally feel like I have it under control.  I still have times when I over do it but I've become more committed to eating healthy and not doing the "I worked out so I can eat a whole pizza and drink wine" thing (we've all been there).

How has the past year been overall?  A-freaking-mazing!  Ups and downs, wanting to quit, trying something new.  My confidence is through the roof.  The best part?  Being able to help other people.  Motivating them to get healthier & start moving.  I LOVE to help people.  Like, seriously love it.  I've always been up and down with my weight so coaching other people who have my same struggles is so rewarding.

I've changed physically too.......
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Overall, I've lost about 10lbs and 18 in.  Like I said, it's taken me the good part of a year to get the food aspect right.  It's hard!  Food is sooo good. But after a year of fighting with it, I've finally learned a good balance.  I'm so proud of myself.  The girl on the left is long gone and the girl on the right is just going to get stronger & faster!  The most important part....I DID NOT GIVE UP.  I couldn't have done it without the support of my coach who always helped me stay motivated & accountable.

If you have the same struggles as I do, find me on Facebook.  Drop me a line.  I'd love to be your coach! :)

21 Day Fix Easy Lunch

I restarted the 21 Day Fix meal plan to go along with Insanity Max 30.  It really is an awesome way to get control of your portions and though I've started it numerous times, I never finished it.  Now that I'm doing a more intense workout program, I want my nutrition to be on point so I can see the results I want.
A few things first.  Meal prep and planning is KEY to your success on any plan.  It's taken me a while to get the hang of that but I think I'm finally there.
A couple things you can do at the beginning of your week:

*Bake/broil/grill 4oz chicken breasts.  Once they cool, put them in a container in the fridge.  Then you have cooked chicken whenever you need it.
*If you need chopped veggies for your weekly recipes, try to do it the day before.  One less thing you need to do to get dinner ready the next day.
*Peel & chop veggies for snacks & salads
*Hard boil a dozen eggs for snacks & salads (don't forget to label them hard boiled!
*Make your lunch the night before.  If it's a salad, take the dressing in a separate container so the salad doesn't get soggy & wilted.

There are MANY other different things you can do but this was all off the top of my head.

That said, I wanted to share my lunch today.  I love food and I love it when I throw some stuff together & it turns out amazing.  It's cold, snowy & miserable here.  I used the last of my salad stuff yesterday and we get our CSA tomorrow so I don't want to go to the store.  In my fridge, I saw carrots, cabbage & the cooked chicken.  Stir fry!  I should've take pics throughout but I didn't.  Oh well.  And I didn't pay attention to how long it took.  But it's easy & it's good :)

Here's what I did:
Chopped & filled 1 green with cabbage
Sliced & filled 1 green with carrots
Filled 1 red with sliced chicken (see prep note above)
1 orange of the 21 Day Fix Asian Citrus Vinegarette
1 tsp sesame oil
Chopped garlic & a few dashes of ground ginger (or you can use fresh if you have it)

Heat 1 tsp of sesame oil in a large frying pan.  Saute' the garlic for a minute or so on a medium heat (be careful not to burn it!) and add the cabbage & the carrots.  Stir until softened and add the sliced chicken.  Heat the chicken through, add a few dashed of ground garlic and add the vinaigrette.  BOOM!  Warm, flavorful, healthy lunch.  You could do it for dinner too or change up the veggies!

 The greatest thing about cooking is that you can tailor it to whatever you want.

Do you need help with your health & fitness goals?  Contact me! http://bit.ly/RNTAndee