Tuesday Sucked, but Wednesday Was Better

My mother died in July 2013.  It still pains me to type that or read it.  We had our close and not so close times in our relationship.  At the time of her death, it was one of our not so close times.  Regardless, she was always there when I needed to talk.  And yesterday, I really needed to talk to her.  I think for the first time in my life I had my first real "I just want my mom" moment.  There were lots of tears and it was an emotionally draining day.  In terms of my workouts, it was a rest day and I took FULL advantage.  We're getting a snow storm and our cupboards were bare so I did a big shop.  I then fed my family cereal and oatmeal for dinner and ordered myself a small sub and cheddar bacon fries.  Because it was a shitty day and damn it, salad just wasn't going to cut it!  Normally, I'm a "cook everything from scratch" kinda gal but sometimes you just have to say screw it.

I just started the Push Circuit of ChaLEAN Extreme.  Today was Push Circuit 2.  I usually do my workout in the morning or, if I have to work, in the early afternoon.  Today I was tired from work, freezing cold, and worn out emotionally.  3pm came and I thought, well it's now or never.  So I put on my smelly workout clothes and, among other exercises, did one legged dead lifts (helloooo hamstrings!).  I IMMEDIATELY felt better physically and mentally.  I mean, let's be honest, of course I thought "thank goodness that's over with" but I also thought "that's it?".  The workouts in CLX are 30-45 min long.  Actually only Burn Intervals is 45 min long.  If my 9 yr old wasn't about to get off the bus, I totally would've done Ab Burner or the bonus Turbo Jam workout.  My point is that within 30 minutes, I wasn't cold, my energy went through the roof, I felt happier and I WANTED to do more!  

My life has been filled with self doubt and food regret.  I love food.  I love to eat it, cook it, read about it, watch cooking shows and my favorite, serve it to those I love.  As much as I love everything about food, I do what everyone else does...1 bad food decision and I'm off the rails.   Forget the diet.  Forget eating healthy.  What's the point?  Yesterday I made the decision to permanently change my thinking.  One bad meal does not a diet break.  I hate the term "diet" and "lifestyle change", even though that what I'm doing but I have no better words.  

So yeah, yesterday sucked.  Big time.  But today was better because I exercised and for 30 minutes, focused on nothing more than making my muscles stronger.  And I had a free chocolate covered strawberry...that was a bonus :)